As a caring, thoughtful citizen of the United States, I take great interest in the political process. The machinations of electing the country’s leadership fascinate and enthrall me. I take great pains to read all sides of the great social debates of our time. Many nights, I intently watch pundits on various networks banter the issues around like demented moonshiners who’ve just received religion at a tent revival. My brain, while mushy with the not-so subtle nuances of politics, is in a fevered state of thinking over the upcoming Presidential election. When it comes down to choosing the best candidate to govern the nation for the next four years my cranial mush refuses to side with either President Obama or Governor Romney. Instead, I think I’ll write in Rupaul as my choice.
I’d like to form a political party of reality television celebrities to take over the country. Sure, this is one step away from entering the next generation of children into the Hunger Games, but I figure it’s bound to happen at some point. Rupaul is my choice for the Presidency. He represents every sector of the American dream. He can appeal to both genders, as well as the undecided. I’d manage the campaign and plaster the airwaves with Rupaul/Ron Paul 2016 infomericals. My plan would continue by putting Frank and Joe from American Pickers in charge of the Environmental Protection Agency. Sure, the guys need more vans to go around and claim the crap out of people’s yards, but they could do it. Furthering strengthening the cabinet would be the appointment of Phil Robertson, the bearded granddad from Duck Dynasty, as Surgeon General. He seems to have an unshakable belief in the health benefits of eating toads. When you find a man with a plan, utilize his strengths. Finally, I’d find ways to get the Kardashian sisters elected to Congress. Do the House and Senate accomplish anything now? Not so much. Therefore, let’s elect better looking people to do nothing. It’s a new day in America. One in which C-SPAN should feature more Kim Kardashian.