The last few weeks have shown that the true apocalypse is upon us. I am not so pompous as to say that I can predict the final days of our life on earth. Rather, I’ve seen the signs, all the telltale markings of the end. Last year’s earthquakes were merely a foretelling and the Middle East uprisings are just a shadow of the end times. The true test of the crumbling of life on earth is that more people are choosing to take off their clothes and commit crimes. A few weeks ago, a man strapped in the back of an ambulance travelling the Los Angeles freeways jumped out of the vehicle while naked and was mowed down in traffic (during the rare moment when it was moving). Today the Associated Press carried a wire story about a South Carolina man who stole a fire truck while naked and ran over a pedestrian. Captain Naked Grand Theft Auto got a few more yards before hitting a tree. I feel deeply troubled by the thought of carnage at the hands of drugged out, naked maniacs. The nudity presents it’s own disturbing set of questions and the need for a set of new guidelines for the criminally flapping in the wind.
- If you choose to be naked for any length of time, or another individual causes your nakedness, make sure the doors are bolted. Stay calm and remain in one place. Nobody is interested in what’s under your clothes.
- Are you Angelina Jolie? If not, refer to the above statement.
- Do you think you’re Angelina Jolie? This poses still more problems. Just to be safe, keep your clothes on.
- Are you interested in an exciting career working with emergency vehicles? An overlooked fact about people in emergency services is that nearly all of them work clothed. The ones who don’t are bachelor party entertainers, and even they start out clothed. Keep your clothes on folks, and enjoy reading some blog posts while you wait for the world to end.